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The sisterhood culture has shifted to fit in with every generation. Nowadays, it seems we have lost the core of it. Futhi Masilela writes that some groups can become toxic and draining, resulting in hating the idea of a sisterly bond.
Sisterhood culture is becoming so toxic that a space that was once created to bring peace and comfort has now turned into the most emotionally draining environment.
In the season premiere of The Kardashians' season four - streaming on Disney Plus in South Africa - cast member and oldest sister Kourtney Kardashian Baker has four sisters who she should be able to lean on and be supported by. Instead, we see them choose to misunderstand her, push her emotional needs to the side, create a secret group chat to talk about her and even weaponise her children to defend how badly they're treating her in the first episode.
The position taken by her younger sister, Kim Kardashian seems to stem from the idea that when you're part of a group, you have to always agree to do what everyone wants to do, taking away your individualism and self-expression.
Look, this piece is not meant make you hate being in big friendship groups, be a part of a sisterhood or cut all your friends and sisters off.
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Humans are created to interact and co-exist with each other, and therefore end up creating friendships and relationships with one another. These friendships play an integral part of our lives, allowing us to make lasting connections.
Some of these connections are not only based on compatibility but similarities in experiences such as sharing the same trauma and having the same goals, which points us to the direction of the ones we allow in our lives.
For women, these friendships become part of a group called a "sisterhood", a concept that isn't new but evolves with each generation. However, with our generation, the core meaning of it seems to be fading away.
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Our mothers and grandmothers formed sisterhood friendship groups for prayer, monthly grocery stokvels, to be and have a healthy support system. Today, only a few of these sisterhood groups exist for the good of a sister. Instead, they're becoming toxic by the day, becoming competitive and judgmental.
This is not only experienced by those in the sisterhood group but those outside as well.
People get surprised to find out there are women who want no part of a sisterhood simply because they don't believe in having big friendship groups.
For them it's too much drama, too many people to deal with and a chance to have fake friends, and this observation is no judgement or attack. Simply put - a personal choice, based on personal experience or being on the outside looking in.
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Those within sisterhood groups often experience unexpressed emotions, resentment and end up being toxic because of pressure.
Look at how when a woman is the only one who hasn't succeeded yet in the group, she will feel the pressure and often be excluded from outings. Because we live in a soft life era where in order to spend quality time with your friends, you have to go pop a bottle at a restaurant you saw on TikTok, so you can create a reel that shows people that you too are living soft.
Hence the saying, "if you're not invited, don't ask" because gone are the days where a friend would come over to your place and you sit under a tree and you would feel time pass by as you laugh till your tummy hurts while drinking juice.
All thanks to the representation seen on social media about friends enjoying each other's company, you must be financially stable to have friends, and some of us prefer friends we can be around at any season of our lives.
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However, if you know you love that friendship and environment, you need to then have discernment. Discernment will help you realise which of your friends are really "girls' girls" and which ones say they are because it's a trend.
It will also help you scout which friends have secret animosity towards you, friends who secretly want you fail and use the sisterhood support system card to stay updated on your progress only to put fear and doubt in your mind.
Remember in Insecure when Molly couldn't stand the idea Issa was finally turning her life around and Molly wasn't the only successful one in the friendship.
Her reaction to Issa was alarming and telling, so as you build the village that will help raise your kids and support your marriage, choose quality friends who understand that adult friendships require grace and space for growth. It's not a competition.
